The "No Suing the Hippie" Disclaimer
Official Terms of Service & Legal Vibe Check
"Look, we live in a world full of lawyers and fine print, but up here in Vermont, we prefer handshakes and common sense. My neighbor (who owns a suit) told me I need to put some 'official words' here so nobody tries to take my mountain because their sourdough got too crispy."
1. The "It’s Toast, Not a Tesla" Clause
We are burning images into bread using heat and metal. It is an imperfect science. Sometimes your face might look a little more like a topographical map of the Andes, and sometimes Jesus might look a little like your Uncle Larry. This is the Novelty Toaster business, not the High-Definition Plasma Screen business.
2. The "Don't Send Us Weird Stuff" Policy
We love a good joke, but we reserve the right to say "No thanks" to images that are hateful, illegal, or just plain mean. If you send us something truly gnarly, we’ll probably just refund your money and suggest a good therapist. Let’s keep the breakfast table a happy place, man.
3. The Fire Starter Disclaimer
Listen closely: A toaster is a box of glowing hot wires. If you leave it unattended while trying to burn a 10-minute "dark roast" of your ex-boyfriend’s face, things might get smokey. Burnt Impressions isn’t responsible if you melt your curtains or set off your smoke alarm because you forgot how bread works. Keep an eye on your carbs.
4. The "Copyright Karma" Agreement
When you upload an image, you’re telling us, "Hey Galen, I own this photo or have permission to toast it." If you send us a copyrighted logo and the corporate lawyers come knocking, we’re pointing them directly to your house. Don't steal art; it ruins the breakfast vibe.
5. Return Policy: The "Bread is Eaten" Rule
Since custom toasters are customized to your specific face, we can’t exactly resell them to the next guy. Therefore, all custom sales are final. If it arrives smashed by the mail carrier, we’ll make it right. But if you just decided you don't like looking at yourself while you eat your morning bagel, that’s on you.
6. The Vermont Jurisdiction
If we ever have a real-deal disagreement that can’t be settled with a polite email or a maple creemee, you agree that we’ll settle it under the laws of the State of Vermont. We’ll probably do it in a room that smells like pine needles.
THE TL;DR VERSION:
Be cool, watch your toast, don’t steal art, and remember that we’re just humans on a mountain trying to make you smile.
Want a novelty joke that works? Created in Vermont
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